Halloween Tarot for the Week–7 of Ghosts

Halloween Tarot for the Week–7 of Ghosts

20191005_200545

For the upcoming week, I drew the 7 of Ghosts. This card parallels the non-Halloween version of this card, the 7 of cups. Picking this card couldn’t have been more timely, as I recently had an epiphany about how out of touch I’ve been with reality. I’ve become more conscious to how negative my thoughts are and how dark my reality can be in comparison to actual life.

This is a card that represents avoiding delusions of grandeur and not be grounded in real life. The 7 of Ghosts also means having a wild imagination and living in a dream world.

Illusions aren’t always fanciful and amazing–I find that they can often be rather terrifying. Fake thoughts can hold such power over of our lives and cause us to procrastinate and stall. It’s important to be able to decipher what is an overactive or healthy imagination.

To be honest, I’m no longer able to tell what is an adequate amount of dreaming and what is self-deception.

My goal for this week is to focus on being grounded in the present moment, and to not procrastinate on any task that I have this week. I think the secret to not having idle dreams is to always be working on bringing them to life. I don’t want to overdo it, but at the same time, I’d rather be overdoing it in reality instead of overdoing with toxic thoughts…

 

Healing from Dysfunction

Healing from Dysfunction

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve worked my crappy job, every day I have literally woken up in relief. I feel at peace to not have to be subjected to such a toxic establishment and am eternally grateful for the normalcy of my new job.

People don’t know how bad it was, and I don’t want to bring it up and or rehash the past or anything. I just feel so grateful to be gone from that. I do get a sense that some people like to complain about work in general but I want those people to know that some jobs really can be a lot more awful than others. I have lost all of my complaints about work, I truly have nothing to complain about.

Even Monday, I don’t say “oh it’s Monday” anymore. Monday doesn’t bother me, because any day of the week at a shit job just sucks. I can see now a few weeks out, how dysfunctional it really was. I am only upset that I allowed myself to be in such an environment for so long. I wish I had gotten out months ago, but in a weird way, I see that going through terrible circumstances really changes you, it will make you stronger and wiser in a way that you may not understand–until it is over.

 

2.19 General Tarot Reading

2.19 General Tarot Reading

I’ve been a bundle of emotions these past couple of weeks. The stress at the day job has steadily increased from “too much” to “unbearable.” I’ve been looking for something better but there has hardly been jobs I can apply for. These events have left me feeling so stuck. When I’m stuck, I go to the cards for advice.

This is a general 3-card spread that I do: simply shuffling the cards and drawing three cards. I don’t even ponder a question, I’m more curious as to what the cards are interpreting from me. I am a fan of these Believing Heart cards because they capture the essence of attending a school of magic ^_____^

I drew:
Two of Cauldrons (2 of cups)
0-The Fool
8-Strength

It was inspiring to see such strong cards during such a stressful time. The Fool was exceptionally spot-on because spiritually, I have started a new journey towards creating my future. I’ve also been living very spontaneously, so weary of the routine. It’s taken so much courage to press forward (all I want to do is hide) and I can really see the strength needed here. The two of cauldrons speaks to how I’ve been learning on family during this trying time.

Also, seeing the Fool in the center really shows me seeing myself as the Fool. This couldn’t be more accurate, everything that the Fool represents about living in the moment–starting a new journey.

After reading these cards, I see that I just need to meditate more on my strength. I feel so powerless and vulnerable right now, but the cards see something else.

Hermit Saturday

Hermit Saturday

IMG_9197

Hiding from the world today, writing my heart out. These days are rare and I am thankful that I get even this one. Sometimes, writing is the only way I stop myself from saying or doing something that I truly regret. My anger can really bottle up, bubbles of rage that threaten to boil over.

It’s not that I wish that people would do what I say or that things have to go my way. What I wish for is for the vitriol and hate that people spit at me to dial down. I never treat anyone with cruelness and I always send such¬†positivity into their lives. I’m not saying that everyone has to treat me super kind, especially if that isn’t who they are. All I want is a basic level of respect. If they have something to say, even if it’s a complaint, why do they speak with such a clear intention to hurt?

Why can’t they say what they feel with the same respect that I give them? I just don’t want to be someone’s punching bag, but at the end of the day the truth remains: you just cannot control people. And that’s why I write–write everything out. Because it’s still a tough pill for me to swallow–that kindness doesn’t equate someone treating you with the basic level of common decency. You can truly do so much for someone and be guaranteed less than nothing. In these circumstances, I just wish that I could receive nothing back, because it’s less than nothing is so much worse.

My hope is that writing will ease the sting of negativity and that sadness will be replaced with inner strength…

 

 

Sunday Motivation: Move Along

Sunday Motivation: Move Along

I’ve always held this song from All American Rejects close to my heart.

This has been a rough week for me–but I know it has been a tough one for us all. With all of the unexpected suicides catching our breaths and reminding us that we all face struggles. For me, it also makes me realize that what we are searching for may not be what we need. We always think that we need wealth and a better job–but that may not be the thing that can heal us. It can make us feel so hopeless when we realize that we thought would help us, simply doesn’t. So what do we do? How do we make it through? We move along–this song couldn’t be more poignant, so heartfelt, and inspiring.

Lyrics–Move Along

By: All American Rejects

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall, everyone stands
Another day, and you’ve had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you’ve lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong, we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do (Know you do)
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

Right back what is wrong
We move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

Songwriters: Nick Wheeler / Tyson Ritter
(From google.com)
My Vision of Success?

My Vision of Success?

My last few posts have fallen on the negative side and I truly wish there was no need to travel such a low path.

The reason that I’ve allowed myself to remain honest with how I feel is because I value emotional truth. I just don’t think that lying to oneself does any favors but suppress an uncomfortable sensation. For me, attempting to stamp out any unpleasant emotions does nothing but ensure a future explosion.

I had an idea today that I wanted to try to see if I could help myself head towards genuine positivity: my vision of success. I spent a lot of time thinking about why I feel depressed and anxious and it has a lot to do with being unable to change my current circumstances. I have no issue toughing¬† every day existence–I just want to know when it will all be over. But the problem is, I can’t say when ‘over’ will be. So that’s why I thought about taking out my journal and really contemplating what my vision of success would be. Perhaps if I honestly wrote on paper what I’m looking for in this life, that would give me that answer of what the ‘end’ would be of my crappy situation?

I am not sure but it is worth a try.

 

 

Attempting to Separate Myself from My Emotions…

Attempting to Separate Myself from My Emotions…

girl-517555_1920

The past few weeks have left me inundated with sadness. I have tried every attempt to cheer myself up but it has resulted in nothing but poor decisions and impulse purchases. I wish that shopping wasn’t such a cathartic experience because I just stack on my debt this way. Unfortunately, nothing but buying has been able to keep my mind off my negative emotions.

I have tried and tried to determine what is causing my glum mood but I know that it is too many different factors. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’ve outgrown much of my life and just feel so powerless to change my current circumstances. Every type of change requires so many countless steps that I just can’t keep up with it. For example, I’ve been trying to eliminate the paper clutter in my place. I have stacks and stacks of paper to sort and deal with. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal–however–I have tons of important documents I have to keep and so it can’t just be a simple task of dumping all the papers in a shredder. I have to sort, evaluate, and work through every fucking sheet and it can’t just be a “one and done task.”

I feel this way about everything in my life that I need to change. Don’t get me wrong–I am willing to do the work and have no problem taking accountability for my actions and the mistakes I have made. The problem comes in being simply overwhelmed by the complexity of everything. There is not “one and done” change that I can make in my life. Everything is has to be sorted, evaluated, and worked through. The only quick task I can complete is to separate myself from my negativity, sadness. I understand that I feel really low but I am still separating myself from these feelings–doing everything to not allow them to consume me…

 

(Image credit: pixabay.com).