For the upcoming week, I drew the 7 of Ghosts. This card parallels the non-Halloween version of this card, the 7 of cups. Picking this card couldn’t have been more timely, as I recently had an epiphany about how out of touch I’ve been with reality. I’ve become more conscious to how negative my thoughts are and how dark my reality can be in comparison to actual life.
This is a card that represents avoiding delusions of grandeur and not be grounded in real life. The 7 of Ghosts also means having a wild imagination and living in a dream world.
Illusions aren’t always fanciful and amazing–I find that they can often be rather terrifying. Fake thoughts can hold such power over of our lives and cause us to procrastinate and stall. It’s important to be able to decipher what is an overactive or healthy imagination.
To be honest, I’m no longer able to tell what is an adequate amount of dreaming and what is self-deception.
My goal for this week is to focus on being grounded in the present moment, and to not procrastinate on any task that I have this week. I think the secret to not having idle dreams is to always be working on bringing them to life. I don’t want to overdo it, but at the same time, I’d rather be overdoing it in reality instead of overdoing with toxic thoughts…
It’s been a challenging week in regards to staying true to some major decisions I made a few months back. It can be tough to make big changes for a variety of reasons; a lot of times life will not welcome these bold moves for one reason or another. When you try to take a step forward, there will be obstacles to try to push you back a few paces.
I made a choice a few months ago to cut some toxic people from my life. People whose existence does nothing but stress and antagonize me. I’m by no means, a fair weathered friend. These were people that I’ve stuck by for years and years but they just are incapable of change. I can tell that the further we continue the relationship, the more it’s them depending on me, me being there for them. I’m at a point in my life where large changes are very necessary. There is no way that I can focus on healing and improving my life and keeping up with those folks.
It can be tough to say no to codependent people, because immediately they cling and fight to stay close. It’s challenging enough to wake up and say that some relationships are too toxic, these people are wrong, and then to have deal with their begging and pleading for you to not give up on them. I never say anything mean to people, and I make every effort to treat others with the utmost respect. So for me, I’m not telling these people to “f off,” I am merely giving myself a respectable distance from them.
As much as it sucks to deal with codependent people, I am grateful for the clarity to see them for who they really are and the wisdom to know that they shouldn’t be around. The reason that cutting out toxic people can be so healing because not only is their negative influence not around, but you are telling yourself that you are worth more than that.
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve worked my crappy job, every day I have literally woken up in relief. I feel at peace to not have to be subjected to such a toxic establishment and am eternally grateful for the normalcy of my new job.
People don’t know how bad it was, and I don’t want to bring it up and or rehash the past or anything. I just feel so grateful to be gone from that. I do get a sense that some people like to complain about work in general but I want those people to know that some jobs really can be a lot more awful than others. I have lost all of my complaints about work, I truly have nothing to complain about.
Even Monday, I don’t say “oh it’s Monday” anymore. Monday doesn’t bother me, because any day of the week at a shit job just sucks. I can see now a few weeks out, how dysfunctional it really was. I am only upset that I allowed myself to be in such an environment for so long. I wish I had gotten out months ago, but in a weird way, I see that going through terrible circumstances really changes you, it will make you stronger and wiser in a way that you may not understand–until it is over.