I have a great love for this tarot cards–a set that I actually picked up a few years back at Spirit Halloween. Sadly, there is no guide for these cards which is a great shame, because I find them to be quite interesting. The art is cohesive–linking all of the cards together yet original. You wouldn’t expect cards that were probably sold for just being Halloween decor to be such a thoughtful set of cards but they are.
For this week I pulled the XVI–The Tower which is unsurprising for me considering how much anger I’ve gathered over the past few weeks, dealing with an upsetting situation. The tower is a card that represents chaos, upheaval, and sudden change. Usually with this card, you would see people falling out of the tower, representing a crappy situation about to happen, danger to watch out for, destruction. However, in this interpretation when have a menacing gargoyle that is full of life, looking down in a stormy evening. Here, we don’t have the burning building.
I interpret this card to be a warning card to not allow chaotic energy to take over. When I have a situation to work through, my emotions can get the best of me sometimes. I take this card as a message to breathe through it and not allow it become something destructive. Be cautious, keep control and focus, and do not let circumstances get out of hand.
I have an odd inclination that despite the frustration of this weekend–next week is going to end strong.
The more time you spend around me, you might begin to wonder if I have an angry side. I don’t really show it to the outside world because I think that there’s enough negativity and I try not to add to it if I can. But I’m only human, and sometimes I have to say no to sticking my head in the sand.
I’ve had a situation in my life where people aren’t listening–people just don’t give a fuck. It’s tough sometimes because when people don’t care (or give the appearance that they don’t) it feels like you are being shamed for standing up for yourself. Others don’t want you to rock the boat because that would mean that they have to do something about it and the only thing they want to do is sit on their phone and waste away. But at the same time, I didn’t ask to be in this situation and I’m doing everything in my power to put an end to it.
Sometimes, it feels like people don’t want you to fight back. I’m sure I feel this way in part because of my perspective, but man, it really does feel like this sometimes. I don’t want to be pushed aside because I’m standing up for myself. No one knows how hard it is for me to stand up for myself, and it makes me really mad when I gather all of this courage and am shamed for it.
It’s been a challenging week in regards to staying true to some major decisions I made a few months back. It can be tough to make big changes for a variety of reasons; a lot of times life will not welcome these bold moves for one reason or another. When you try to take a step forward, there will be obstacles to try to push you back a few paces.
I made a choice a few months ago to cut some toxic people from my life. People whose existence does nothing but stress and antagonize me. I’m by no means, a fair weathered friend. These were people that I’ve stuck by for years and years but they just are incapable of change. I can tell that the further we continue the relationship, the more it’s them depending on me, me being there for them. I’m at a point in my life where large changes are very necessary. There is no way that I can focus on healing and improving my life and keeping up with those folks.
It can be tough to say no to codependent people, because immediately they cling and fight to stay close. It’s challenging enough to wake up and say that some relationships are too toxic, these people are wrong, and then to have deal with their begging and pleading for you to not give up on them. I never say anything mean to people, and I make every effort to treat others with the utmost respect. So for me, I’m not telling these people to “f off,” I am merely giving myself a respectable distance from them.
As much as it sucks to deal with codependent people, I am grateful for the clarity to see them for who they really are and the wisdom to know that they shouldn’t be around. The reason that cutting out toxic people can be so healing because not only is their negative influence not around, but you are telling yourself that you are worth more than that.
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve worked my crappy job, every day I have literally woken up in relief. I feel at peace to not have to be subjected to such a toxic establishment and am eternally grateful for the normalcy of my new job.
People don’t know how bad it was, and I don’t want to bring it up and or rehash the past or anything. I just feel so grateful to be gone from that. I do get a sense that some people like to complain about work in general but I want those people to know that some jobs really can be a lot more awful than others. I have lost all of my complaints about work, I truly have nothing to complain about.
Even Monday, I don’t say “oh it’s Monday” anymore. Monday doesn’t bother me, because any day of the week at a shit job just sucks. I can see now a few weeks out, how dysfunctional it really was. I am only upset that I allowed myself to be in such an environment for so long. I wish I had gotten out months ago, but in a weird way, I see that going through terrible circumstances really changes you, it will make you stronger and wiser in a way that you may not understand–until it is over.
I can’t tell you how many times Pinterest has pulled me from a dark mood. I always benefit from the intuitive nature of the app. Meaning, I take value from the pins they suggest, based on what I’ve liked in the past.
So when I boot up the app, a slew of inspiration quotes and affirmations typically splash across my screen. With my uncontrollable nerves, I’ve been focusing more on quotes instead of my usual DIYs and Halloween costume ideas.
I wanted to share one of the pins below that I’ve gathered great healing from:
When nerves strike up, for me it is constantly an experience that I can’t control. I am paralyzed by fear and completely trapped by my own thoughts. There isn’t much energy left. However, there is still a little bit there–even if it’s just a drop.
Whatever is energy that I have left should be used to believe instead of worry.
This is this only part of worrying that can be controlled, consciously choosing to use my scraps of energy for something good. It was a subtle change but this quote was what I really needed. Am I still worried about my problems? Hell yes. But focusing the remaining energy on believing in myself has taken that sharp edge off.
I’m going to make every effort to keep up with this practice. When I catch myself worrying about something, I want to make every conscious effort to try to focus on keeping faith in my abilities.
I don’t know if it will lead to any significant changes but it beats 100% fear and worry.
My supervisor shared this fascinating article from James Clear: The Science of Developing Mental Toughness in Your Heath, Work, and Life.
I had no idea that she was as equally obsessed as me with finding interesting reads!
I overly highlighted James’ article about the importance of obtaining the mental fortitude. I can’t recommend this article enough–I know for certain that I suffer from mental weakness. I am easily confused and inundated with chaos and confusion. It doesn’t take much for me to drown in worry and fear.
It was incredibly refreshing to learn that talent and intelligence don’t matter as much as having the mental strength to keep going through challenges. As an added bonus, James gave the reader ideas and suggestions for cultivating mental resilience.
It is vital for us to take consistent, concrete actions every day to prove to ourselves that we are strong and able to handle whatever life throws at us. I have always been a fan of taking the easy way out but now I am starting to learn how this has very harsh consequences. And the thing is, we are the only ones who pay–not others. I say this because I have often dropped out of challenges because I notice that others carry lighter loads. I wanted to be like them. But it isn’t them who pays for my decisions, it’s always been me.
Overall, you must develop mental toughness to make it through life and the only way to achieve this is by taking concrete actions in the physical world.
I will definitely do more to make sure that I am actually becoming stronger. All of my daily habits are weak and unhelpful. I know that all of my regular practices have to be reevaluated. It gives me hope that life doesn’t have to be overwhelming. It is ok if you aren’t super talented or born with a crazy high IQ.
This article is a must-read and you can find it here: https://jamesclear.com/mental-toughness
Image Credit: Pixabay.com