For the past few months, I have been in survival mode. It’s only been about making it through the day, just completing the most essential of tasks. I am starting to realize that I wasn’t very good at handling my disappointment with a few people in my life, and I bottled everything up and hibernated. I gave them all of my power, and I allowed them to take complete control of my life.
I know that I need to stop blaming them too, I think the reason I have is because it’s been hard for me to process this emotion of disappointment. I don’t do things for others because I expect anything back–the disappointment comes from hoping they will show up in some form or another for you, but they don’t at all.
You aren’t worth anything for them, when they meant so much to them. It can be a really tough pill to shallow, and I’ve had a hell of a time managing to this, but I’m starting to see the light at the end of tunnel. I am starting to see how much healthier and happier my life can be without them. And with this healing taking place, I’m starting to pick up my writing projects again.
Earlier this year, I self published February Rain which was an accomplishment that brought me a lot of joy. For me, the success comes from finishing the project. I had an idea for another poetry book but I haven’t made any effort on it. I’m starting to scribble ideas down and I can feel the momentum building.
My hope is in a few months, I’ll be able to write every day, and take back my projects.
When editing a manuscript it is ridiculously easy to become blind to your own errors. Many of my mistakes slip by, even though I’ve really sharpen my editing skills. I’m still nothing close to perfect, English is just far too difficult to understand sometimes.
The more I learn, the less I know.
For example, I’m still struggling to fully differentiate between farther and further. This is probably one example of probably 10 other questions I’m currently researching. I’ve used both words in my own speaking interchangeably, but I’m starting to suspect now that many of those uses were incorrect.
With February Rain, the manuscript was edited numerous times, but when the printed book came out, a few errors stood out like a sore thumb. Thankfully, I was able to catch them and update the book in the amazon store.
After reviewing my newest printed copy, I can say with probably 95% confidence, the book is error-free. I’m one of those writers who will never ever claim to know everything there is to know. I’m always studying and striving to improve my skills and techniques, and I don’t think I’ve ever be perfect, even if I spend the next 50 years locked on a mountain with a bunch of grammar books. If that happened, I’m sure my language would find itself 50 years out of date, since language and always evolving and also, there is always and will be something new to learn.
Reading this version of the book without errors, I was finally able to dive into the poems. I really love this book because I’m still in so much love with the poems. Yes, I am the author, but I do not feel biased, because I usually hate everything that I write when I read it a short while later. I was very surprised to find that I still adore these poems and the images of other realities that it evokes within me. I usually question if I am capable of writing anything interesting, but I am still fascinated with February Rain.