-Cooking with my cast-iron cauldron (I’ve had it for a year, haven’t tried it once)
-Playing around with my apple butter recipe (Though it always turns out too sweet)
-Breaking out the giant tubs of Halloween decor (I prefer being vomited in Halloween)
-Sharing a few Halloween poems that I’m writing (Anything to evoke the season)
-Being honest with my debt issues, no longer being in denial about my problems (Denial can be really tricky for me to navigate most times).
-Starting to write my stories again (even if it’s crap, just write)
-Spending time with old friends (I hate realizing that some people I might see once a year)
-Getting lost in any book (seriously, ANY book)
-Living life by my own definitions (trying incredible hard not to lose my authentic self…a true struggle for me)
Today was more than a regular Tuesday for me. I have some goals of mine coming down the pipeline, but it isn’t things that I can just ask for. I can think of a few current wishes that would require me to be selected, not things that I can pick myself. I plan to go into more detail later on. I don’t wish to be so vague, I have to wait to see what happens.
So of course, I’ve been a bundle of nerves. My nerves show up the minute I deviate from the norm. Even though it is the end of the day for me, I’m fairly certain that my stomach is currently resting in my throat at this moment.
I’m scared, big time. I’m frighten of failing, missing out on an opportunity. I am definitely grateful for the good things in life. I just am worried that I am going to lose my chance. When it comes to things that I’m trying to change, sometimes, it feels like I only have a few chances. I know this has a lot to do with my inaccurate perception, and I need to make every effort to see things in life as clearly as possible.
I just don’t want to mess up.
My nerves have completely taken over.
I am a big fan of the Biographics channel and would recommend checking out as many of their videos as you can. I’ve always enjoyed the videos from host Simon Whistler, he seems to delight in learning things for the sake of learning as much as I do. Sometimes I feel like the only nerd out there who wants to feed her brain with as much random and interesting knowledge as she can. Simon seems to be the same, which gives me hope that there are others out there.
With the Biographics channel, you’ll find interesting biographies on a variety of eccentric people. Well, anyone who accomplished anything crazy came off eccentric in one way or another, which also gives me hope that it’s ok to be strange and weird.
Circling back to Elon’s video, what I found strange about him was how he doesn’t allow the impossibility of the obstacle to affect him. Well, even if he does, he still sets out to create the future he wants–which I really found inspiring. Every business idea of his was shot down by the haters who said it couldn’t be done. If I was starting a business with a big idea and a slew of people spoke their disapproval, I’d really doubt myself and feel like I was probably making a bad mistake. But not Elon, when people said space travel couldn’t be handled by anyone other than NASA, well, look who got the contract from them to work on building rockets.
I think I connected with his story for many reasons, but one reason was how I often think that my ideas are dumb, even if no one says they are, I just really doubt myself and expect the worst. But Elon still has people who disagree with his vision and he is still bringing it to life. I think all of us can find such great inspiration in that.
Believing in our ideas, visions, and dreams are what help us to create the life we want.
Are Korean pears supposed to be this crunchy?
I’m not really sure–they taste sweet and fruity but so, so crunchy.
Like baby apple crunchy or fresh-picked melon.
The flavor is sweet and light (though I’m not getting an intense pear flavor) with a water chestnut-like texture.
I’ve had these for a few weeks, maybe I messed up?
I’m usually a big fan of fruit but texture really is my thang. I can’t handle weird texture above all else.
Yeah, I’m having a hard case of the “Mondays” tonight. Today wasn’t too bad of day, though I’m a bit envious of my coworkers who have a bit of vacation left. Everyone always seems to harbor way more vacation time then I do–all I can do is let it go and drink about it.
I never overdo it with alcohol, so me “drinking about it” is a couple of sips before passing out in last year’s Christmas pajamas.
I am currently enjoying Jim Bean’s Apple Bourbon Whiskey. This whiskey finishes with a nice burn and a slight aftertaste of apple which you can notice. I love the fruity notes at the end and can’t recommend it enough to whiskey/apple fans.
I love those late nights when the evening can just extend forever (or give the illusion of at least). I ran several errands this evening but still got to indulge in a bit of retail therapy and grocery shopping. I made the mistake of going to Goodwill and actually bought several bags of goods that I probably shouldn’t have.
Goodwill is my kryptonite because I have such a curious mind and find everything interest. Stop it mind, just stop it. I can just buy bags and bags of what others would call “junk” because I find it intriguing.
I have a confession to make: I bought a Rolodex. Yeah, a Rolodex *bows head in shame* even the cashier commented on how archaic it is but I really wanted it and it was only a buck! That’s just a glimpse of my mindset and I’m sure you can easily see why I get in trouble at a place that has random, inexpensive goods. And I brought home all of my “treasures” and hid them from sight so the bf doesn’t notice them.
The whiskey is making me real honest tonight. Though my confessions are pretty nerdy and lame like me hahaha.
I just want this weekend to never end. In a weird way, it has stretched past more than normal. It almost seems like it’s been a few more days than two. Yesterday, I was supposed to attend my company work party, but I ended up not feeling up for it.
I don’t mean to be negative but I am really over the encroachment of my personal/professional lives. I do not want to attend anymore work functions outside of fluffing work. The time that I dedicate to my employer is enough and I want my personal time left alone.
Even though I usually feel down when I “miss out” on social gatherings, I really content to not attend. It was nice to just scribble in my journal and figure some things out. Most of the people go anyways because of the lure of money, which means nothing to me because if the statistics of winning goes down every year. Everybody talks about the stupid money, therefore, causing more and more people to go more for a desperate chance rather than enjoyment or letting off steam.
I understand that the company wants to incentivize the party and encourage people to go, but the desperation is obvious and unappealing to me. I would rather see people get together out of mutual affection for one another rather than a selfish reason.
Image credit: pixabay.com
I have finally completed nearly all of my holiday shopping–I just want it to be over. This isn’t like me as I do enjoy giving gifts and surprising someone with a present. However, this year, I just haven’t felt it. I have completed the motions, fulfilled my obligations, but I am still waiting for that Christmasy feeling to take over.
The holidays have felt extremely contrived–entirely inauthentic.
I have despised everything to do with it: the shopping, the extra work engagements, the late nights wrapping and scribbling rushed Christmas cards. I want it all to be over, why can’t it just be January 1st, 2019?
It’s weird for me to feel this disconnected, it’s an alien sensation because I am all about any holiday. I usually prefer the break from the normal, boring weeks adulting. It’s such a joy to release my inner child to the movies, songs, and gift wrap.
I think part of the reason I’m off is that I have such a little time for my friends with my current work schedule. I can usually pick a gift for anyone, but this year I’m not sure what to buy anyone. My life is super unbalanced, and suddenly I have to many personal commitments when usually there is nothing but endless emails and fucking traffic.
I think the jump from the work extreme to the holiday extreme is what has gotten me–the lack of any sort of balance. I do not care for busyness, but everything about my life right now is so chaotic and intense. Sometimes, I would give anything to be back as a student sometimes. I had so much free time back then–even with the finals, lazy group partners, and complicated homework.
I just so want this chaotic season of my life to be over.