Tarot Card for the Week: XV The Devil

Tarot Card for the Week: XV The Devil

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I actually consider the Devil card a good warning card to receive in a reading. It’s a card that speaks to being imprisoned by one’s desires. Above, we see that the mermaid is caged in a cell by a lock that’s actually unlocked upon closer inspection. Yet our mermaid doesn’t try to free herself–she’s far too lost in her desires for the treasure close by.

It’s human to want things; to seek what we don’t have. It’s important though, to not let those wants take over our lives. I am honestly not surprised to see the Devil as the card of the week, as I’ve been nothing but a slave to everything I’ve ever wanted. I am someone who becomes consumed by whatever I want in life and this week I’ve wanted so many things to change and all I’ve done is focused on those wants. I’ve made little progress in terms of what I can change, but this card says is that those changes can be made once I free myself from this self-imposed prison.

The Devil is card that reminds you to watch out for being entangled by anything that you can free yourself from. It’s about being too enchanted by desires, material things–basically anything that sparkles and shines. It’s completely understandable to want what we want, we just can’t let it take over our lives…

Tarot Card of the Week: King of Cups

Tarot Card of the Week: King of Cups

Happy Sunday to you all ❤

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For this week’s tarot card, I shuffled The Mermaid Tarot by Leeza Robertson (illust–Julie Dillon). As a Pisces, I am drawn to all things water and mermaid. I love the depth how each card seems to tell its own story. This tarot deck felt like a logical extension for what my natural energy resonates with.

I ended up pulling an interesting card–The King of Cups. My heart stopped for moment when I read “of Cups” because the Queen of Cups is the card that I connect most to in a tarot deck.

The King of Cups is a strong card for emotions. A snippet from the official guide to the Mermaid Tarot states, “It is time to put your ego aside, clear your emotional attachments and make clear, honest, heart-based decisions about the direction your life now takes.”

The King of Cups invokes a sense of calm and control of all feelings–a card that represents a proficiency of all emotions. I can definitely feel my emotions simmering down and a raw sense of honesty overtaking me. With honesty reduces the need for me to lie or puff up my emotions. The ego can be absolutely destructive and can cause a lot of pride and self worth to become entangled within it. Breaking from the ego requires a lot of emotional control for when those negative feelings are triggered. My ego can definitely get in the way of my inner peace–but meditating on a card like the King of Cups makes it easier to do so. With emotional control comes the ability to break from the things that don’t serve you.

Focus for 2020: One Day at a Time

Focus for 2020: One Day at a Time

Happy Happy New Years!

I wish you all an amazing 2020 full of success, happiness, and healing. There needs to be more of that stuff this year…

2019 was quite the challenge because of so many big changes that occurred in my life–but there was more growth and progress towards where I needed to be in life. I never like to admit how much I am a slave to comfort; it usually requires a change in circumstance to push me forward.

I won’t lie–most times I want to hide under a rock instead of facing whatever challenge is looming over me. But I made it through every tough test that fell across my path last year. Every hard task that I faced got crossed off the list and I wanted to run from all of them. Most times, I couldn’t shake the anxiety. But I feel very proud of myself for making it through the year, despite feeling nervous absolutely every day. Everything scared me, everything was a lot–nothing came easy.

I’ve come to realize that I’ll never unlock the secret to courage. I’ll always have to find a way through it. Every trick, quote, tip I tried never worked–never made me feel less nervous. Perhaps it was wrong of me to assume that there was something out there to find.

Even though I lack any answers, one thing I do want for 2020 is not to spend so much time worrying about things to come. I worry about what I have to do weeks and months ahead. I worry that I can’t make it through the things I have to do. I dwell over and over about everything I can worry about it.

For 2020…all I want is to focus on today, I only want today in my mind.

I do have resolutions and things I want to achieve for this year, but more than anything else, I want to keep my mind on today. I don’t want to worry about everything that hasn’t come to pass yet. I want to figure it out now since I worry that I can’t work it out then. But worrying about future drains all of the energy from this moment. It’s nearly impossible for me to remain in the current moment without drifting off into a possible future.

One day at a time–without a worry about any other time but today. It feels nearly impossible but that’s what I plan to focus on for 2020. I would like to look back and not think about the times worrying but the actual times…

Fighting Back

Fighting Back

The more time you spend around me, you might begin to wonder if I have an angry side. I don’t really show it to the outside world because I think that there’s enough negativity and I try not to add to it if I can. But I’m only human, and sometimes I have to say no to sticking my head in the sand.

I’ve had a situation in my life where people aren’t listening–people just don’t give a fuck. It’s tough sometimes because when people don’t care (or give the appearance that they don’t) it feels like you are being shamed for standing up for yourself. Others don’t want you to rock the boat because that would mean that they have to do something about it and the only thing they want to do is sit on their phone and waste away. But at the same time, I didn’t ask to be in this situation and I’m doing everything in my power to put an end to it.

Sometimes, it feels like people don’t want you to fight back. I’m sure I feel this way in part because of my perspective, but man, it really does feel like this sometimes. I don’t want to be pushed aside because I’m standing up for myself. No one knows how hard it is for me to stand up for myself, and it makes me really mad when I gather all of this courage and am shamed for it.

 

Halloween Tarot for the Week–7 of Ghosts

Halloween Tarot for the Week–7 of Ghosts

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For the upcoming week, I drew the 7 of Ghosts. This card parallels the non-Halloween version of this card, the 7 of cups. Picking this card couldn’t have been more timely, as I recently had an epiphany about how out of touch I’ve been with reality. I’ve become more conscious to how negative my thoughts are and how dark my reality can be in comparison to actual life.

This is a card that represents avoiding delusions of grandeur and not be grounded in real life. The 7 of Ghosts also means having a wild imagination and living in a dream world.

Illusions aren’t always fanciful and amazing–I find that they can often be rather terrifying. Fake thoughts can hold such power over of our lives and cause us to procrastinate and stall. It’s important to be able to decipher what is an overactive or healthy imagination.

To be honest, I’m no longer able to tell what is an adequate amount of dreaming and what is self-deception.

My goal for this week is to focus on being grounded in the present moment, and to not procrastinate on any task that I have this week. I think the secret to not having idle dreams is to always be working on bringing them to life. I don’t want to overdo it, but at the same time, I’d rather be overdoing it in reality instead of overdoing with toxic thoughts…

 

Struggling with Negative Thoughts

Struggling with Negative Thoughts

For the past few months, I’ve noticed my anxiety steadily increasing. It’s gone from random thoughts here and there to a continuous sense of dread and panic. My heart feels heavy in my chest and my shoulders are rigid, stiff.

I’ve been making every effort to combat the emotions, to focus on anything other than the fear. I know now that I’m going to really have to fight to overcome the emotions because they won’t go away on their own. However, none of my efforts seem to be able to quench them. I do everything I can to get my mind off the nervousness, but it doesn’t seem to work. Because before I realize it–I’m trapped in this bubble of negative thoughts.

I’d do anything to be rid of the fear but one step I’ve had to take is to stop lying to myself. I’m brutally honest with how I feel, and when something is and isn’t working for me anymore. One thing that hasn’t helped (and used to be a big source of comfort) was reading anxiety quotes. Now, I can honesty say that they do nothing for me and give me no relief.

The reason is because I understand that anxiety is within the mind and that it’s up to me to “control how I feel” and “see the big picture.” However, I obviously can’t do those things. Am I stuck with anxiety since I cannot control my emotions? You know what I mean? I understand it already– I get that I am the problem, that I am the cause of it all. But that stark assessment doesn’t provide me with any solution or make me feel comforted.

Sticking By Tough Decisions

Sticking By Tough Decisions

It’s been a challenging week in regards to staying true to some major decisions I made a few months back. It can be tough to make big changes for a variety of reasons; a lot of times life will not welcome these bold moves for one reason or another. When you try to take a step forward, there will be obstacles to try to push you back a few paces.

I made a choice a few months ago to cut some toxic people from my life. People whose existence does nothing but stress and antagonize me. I’m by no means, a fair weathered friend. These were people that I’ve stuck by for years and years but they just are incapable of change. I can tell that the further we continue the relationship, the more it’s them depending on me, me being there for them. I’m at a point in my life where large changes are very necessary. There is no way that I can focus on healing and improving my life and keeping up with those folks.

It can be tough to say no to codependent people, because immediately they cling and fight to stay close. It’s challenging enough to wake up and say that some relationships are too toxic, these people are wrong, and then to have deal with their begging and pleading for you to not give up on them. I never say anything mean to people, and I make every effort to treat others with the utmost respect. So for me, I’m not telling these people to “f off,” I am merely giving myself a respectable distance from them.

As much as it sucks to deal with codependent people, I am grateful for the clarity to see them for who they really are and the wisdom to know that they shouldn’t be around. The reason that cutting out toxic people can be so healing because not only is their negative influence not around, but you are telling yourself that you are worth more than that.