Hitting a Creative Block

Hitting a Creative Block

From a creative standpoint, I have hit a block.

Whether it be writing, drawing, or music, I have been stalled in the creation process. I think for the past couple of months, I have tried too hard. I pushed myself to write, paint, craft–create anything that I could come up with.

I feel like a runaway train that has finally crashed, unable to will herself to move forward. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’ve made a lot of changes in my personal life, recently leaving a toxic job. I identified with certain people, expectations, and beliefs, and various amounts of these three aspects had to be let go.  To be a bit more specific (since I can tell how vague I am coming off) I am thinking of a few people that I spent so much time with, thought we were good friends, acquaintances, whatever. But in the end, they just ended up showing their true colors–coming off uncaring and cold.

On one level, I understand that this is who they’ve always been, and I was doing my best to see the best in people who were essentially jerks. I just feel upset though that they couldn’t be anything better in the end, and that I allowed myself to keep trying to believe in them. I know it’s my fault for continuing to invest in them, but I have let them go this week. They can go on and keep being them, I’m not going to extend myself any further for them.

While it’s extremely healing to release toxic people from your life, I have been too overwhelmed with emotion and change to channel myself into my creative projects. The problem has been, I’ve always been way too sensitive and I feel far too much on a deeper level. On the plus side, I have enough self-awareness to see when I am wrong, see when I am being too sensitive, feeling too much. I can recognize my errors no problem.

What I can’t seem to do sometimes is to find my way out and back to the land of creation.

February Rain, Finally Complete

February Rain, Finally Complete

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When editing a manuscript it is ridiculously easy to become blind to your own errors. Many of my mistakes slip by, even though I’ve really sharpen my editing skills. I’m still nothing close to perfect, English is just far too difficult to understand sometimes.

The more I learn, the less I know.

For example, I’m still struggling to fully differentiate between farther and further. This is probably one example of probably 10 other questions I’m currently researching. I’ve used both words in my own speaking interchangeably, but I’m starting to suspect now that many of those uses were incorrect.

With February Rain, the manuscript was edited numerous times, but when the printed book came out, a few errors stood out like a sore thumb. Thankfully, I was able to catch them and update the book in the amazon store.

After reviewing my newest printed copy, I can say with probably 95% confidence, the book is error-free. I’m one of those writers who will never ever claim to know everything there is to know. I’m always studying and striving to improve my skills and techniques, and I don’t think I’ve ever be perfect, even if I spend the next 50 years locked on a mountain with a bunch of grammar books. If that happened, I’m sure my language would find itself 50 years out of date, since language and always evolving and also, there is always and will be something new to learn.

Reading this version of the book without errors, I was finally able to dive into the poems. I really love this book because I’m still in so much love with the poems. Yes, I am the author, but I do not feel biased, because I usually hate everything that I write when I read it a short while later. I was very surprised to find that I still adore these poems and the images of other realities that it evokes within me. I usually question if I am capable of writing anything interesting, but I am still fascinated with February Rain. 

My Self-Published Baby: February Rain

My Self-Published Baby: February Rain

Omg

Omg

Omg

Omg

Not the most articulate stream of thoughts but exactly how I’m feeling today, now that I am holding my self-published book, February Rain. It is so surreal to stare at this book, something come to life from the depths of my mind. I am in absolute awe of it, and find it strange to look at something and feel this instant burst of happiness.

It’s weird for me since so many things annoy me, this sensation of joy is just an odd feeling. But I feel such warmth and happiness from this book, and this is precisely why I self-published it.

I don’t mind if I don’t sell a single copy, I am just so happy to see it come to life.

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Ahhh I just love how sleek and polished the cover looks. I had such trouble making it appear professional but I am so happy to see that it came out really nice.