I’ve chosen to take the plunge and self-publish a collection of poems that I’ve been working on. However, I’ve been terrified since I decided to do this. Panic sits in the center of my chest whenever I ponder the thought, and my breaking becomes shallow.
I’m fighting with myself hard, because I just want to hide. I never feel like my creativity is worth it, I never believe that anyone would want to read anything I’ve written. My reasoning for self-publishing isn’t even to be successful, or to have anything amazing come out of it. I just want to prove to myself that I can finish my creative projects. I always sabotage myself when I’m about to finish a creative project–I just can’t shake the worthlessness. I think my reasoning for self-publishing is reasonable, it isn’t based on anything outlandish. It’s a personal reason too (which I think is wise) so there isn’t any reason to “fail” aside from not doing it at all.
But I am so scared, I think because if one person were to buy the book and they hated it, I’d feel so crushed by it. I’m always scared about what others think, even now I’m hyperventilating in my room, just thinking about the thought of self-publishing. I am so ridiculous! So many books get published every month, no one would even see my stuff…but I am still terrified.
Excuse me while I go hide under the covers *_____*
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